We sat on the couch in our living room, sharing a blanket and a giant salted chocolate chip cookie. My then nineteen-year-old daughter was almost in tears as she expressed her frustration with not having a career direction for her life. She was attending our local junior college and taking core classes, while her older brother left home to major in commercial music, twelve hours away. Her younger brother, now a senior in high school, had already chosen his major and his four-year university. She felt discouraged, directionless, and alone.  

My husband and I have sent three kids to college, knowing they had lots to learn, but we learned a few things along the way as well. 

1. Let them learn. This sounds obvious, right? It’s the literal reason they are going to college. But the temptation to keep them from learning things the hard way is strong. Skipping class or overbooking their schedule, getting sick from lack of sleep and poor nutrition—we all did it, and we all learned not to. It will be OK, they will be OK, and they will learn great life lessons from it.  
2. Don’t add to their pressure. My oldest, as I mentioned, chose a school that was a twelve-hour drive from home. We rarely got to see him, visit him or, to be honest, talk to him. He’s the kind of kid who lives an extremely full and busy life. He naturally added responsibility and pressure to his own life, so adding another expectation for him to call me, come visit me, or drop everything when I did come to town, only made things harder for him.  
3. A perfectly-timed text is everything. When I was reading my Bible in the mornings, the Holy Spirit would without fail show me a verse for a specific child that day. I would text it to him/her with an “I’m praying for you today!” note. Later I would hear from my kids that it came at the exact right moment.  
4. Set a timer on your phone to pray. I have a friend who told me when her son had a big interview or audition, she would take fifteen seconds to set a timer on her phone for ten minutes before the big moment. When the reminder sounded, she would send a text that she was praying and remind him the Holy Spirit had gone before him. It was a quick thing she could do to remind him they were one hundred percent with him. 
5. As parents, we don’t have to know everything. I think back to when I went away to college.  There were no cell phones, no computer access to college accounts, and no Life360. My parents didn’t know what I was doing with my friends unless I paid for a long-distance phone call to tell them (and I didn’t). Relax and trust that you’ve raised them the best you knew how and according to God’s path for their lives. Let Him do the rest.  
6. Be sensitive to the best times to call. I learned with my oldest that if I saw on Life 360 that he was driving from campus to his apartment, it was a great time to call. He would often stop at a drive-through and put me on hold. But it was at least a good ten- to fifteen-minute uninterrupted conversation. To be honest, he was often the most responsive to texts when he was in class.  
7. I can take my anxious thoughts captive. My kids are on the road a lot. My youngest still lives at home but is entering his sophomore year at the University of Central Florida. He drives across Orlando every day for class. My oldest was in a touring group at Liberty University, and he was a certified driver for the group, so he was driving vans across the country full of young adults and pulling a trailer full of gear. Both scenarios could be a set-up for a tragedy. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I woke up sweating some nights as obtrusive thoughts about accidental death entered my brain. But I have trained myself to say a little breath prayer in the moments I begin to feel the fear rising. I trust you with his life. I will not be afraid. Anxiety can often lead to manipulation in order to control. The minute I feel this rising in me, I pray and resist. So many parents fall into the trap of manipulation; it’s so easy to do. But it’s not healthy for us or our kids.  
8. Make friends with a few key parents. When my kids first began their college educations, I joined all the parent Facebook groups. And that’s good. It was extremely helpful for freshman year. But as they got deeper into their journey and started making long-term friends, I would find myself in close proximity with the same parents (much like high school). Exchange numbers, follow each other on socials, and check in on their kids when you are in town visiting. They will do the same for you, and it is truly one of God’s greatest gifts to have another mom checking on your kid.  
9. Don’t freak out about their failure. My oldest son failed a class in his first semester. I wish I could tell you I didn’t freak out, but I most certainly did. It’s understandable, right? In this case, he failed because he didn’t turn a paper in. Irresponsibility. My greatest fear as a parent had been realized. I had not prepared him, and he absolutely could not succeed in life. How were we going to make it the next four years? But, as Yoda famously said to Luke Skywalker, “The greatest teacher, failure is.” He immediately repeated the class, brought his GPA up, and was able to keep his scholarship. It was a hard lesson for both of us.  
10. Let them live. I remember the day my daughter saw a picture of herself from the second grade, and she was wearing completely mismatched socks and shoes with her school uniform. She looked at me and said, “Mom, how did you let me go to school like that?” My response was, “I was letting you live.” We laugh about it now, but there have been so many opportunities in college for me to let them live and make their own decisions, apart from what I would choose for them. There have been times they chose poorly (see No. 9) and times they chose much more wisely than I could have because they had more context, and insight into the situation than I did. We want so much for them, but letting go of our dreams and recognizing and embracing God’s dream for them is so much better.  

Back to that moment on the couch with my daughter, feeling the desperation in her voice, I listened. That was all she needed at the time. She needed her mom to sit with her, eat a cookie with her and listen. I took the opportunity to remind her that we are proud of her, God will guide her, and we are OK with that. Fast forward—she’s twenty-one now. She took American Sign Language as an elective and fell in love with it. She’s pursuing a degree in ASL Interpretation. God’s timing is never too late. His way is always better. Lesson learned.  

ABOUT ANGIE ELKINS

Angie grew up in a Christian family in the Memphis, Tennessee, area. Early in life, she developed a love for music and the local church. After graduating from Union University, she attended Southwestern Seminary to pursue a Masters in Music. While at Southwestern, she met her husband Robert. They married in 1996 and have three children: Jack, Audrey, and Foster.  In the last twenty-five years, Angie has been leading worship all over the country and writing music for the local church.

In 2017, she started her podcast, and in 2023 she launched Let It Shine, a podcast about sanctification over self-help. Angie is the manager of the Lifeway Podcast Network, where she works with amazing shows like MARKED and The Glass House with Ben and Lynley Mandrell. Angie’s favorite things are taking morning walks in her neighborhood, Walt Disney World, and trips with her girlfriends. Angie lives in Orlando, Florida, where her husband serves as the worship pastor of First Baptist Church of Orlando. You can connect with Angie on Instagram @angiebrownelkins.

 

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