Ah, that newlywed holiday feeling. The first time using your fancy wedding gifts, baking holiday treats together, decorating the tree, and, oh, navigating family expectations and balancing unique family traditions.  

While the holiday season brings many feelings of happiness, it can also create a lot of stress and pressure for a newly married couple. Regardless of how long you dated, that first year of marriage can be a bit difficult to navigate as you balance expectations and traditions.  

While my husband and I just celebrated our ten-year wedding anniversary, I remember when we had to first navigate the balance of family expectations, newlywed expectations, and traditions. On our first Thanksgiving, we spent most of the day in the car driving from one gathering to another. We were exhausted and didn’t feel like we had “quality” time with any of our family members. Looking back, there are a few things I wish we’d done differently.  

So, here are a few things my husband, Ben, and I learned: 

• Open communication is key. Sit down with your spouse and talk about your favorite holiday traditions. Talk about why these traditions are important to you and how you plan to make them your own. This can be a wonderful opportunity to dream and pray about the future as you begin building your life together.  
• Set realistic expectations. One of the most difficult things for me early on during our marriage was realizing that the holidays would never look like they did before we were married. It’s important to recognize marriage as a beautiful new season of life that will bring a new season of traditions. Be realistic in realizing that you can’t be in two places at once, and there will be times when you will have to say no to things. 
• Have conversations with your in-laws and parents. One mistake I made in our early years of marriage was not being transparent with family members about the traditions Ben and I were building on our own. We ended up hurting feelings when we could’ve just been open and honest about our intentions. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to be there for everything, but rather that we wanted to set a foundation and tradition for our future family.   
• Find fun ways to combine your favorite traditions and create space to make your own. When Ben and I were preparing for our first married Christmas, we knew we wanted to create a tradition for our family of celebrating Christmas morning at home. Through the years, we have celebrated Christmas in numerous apartments and cities. After a decade, we are so thankful we chose to create our very own Christmas morning traditions in our first year of marriage. While the first few years of saying “no” to well-intended invitations were hard, this intentionality has been a blessing to our marriage as we were able to incorporate each of our favorite Christmas morning traditions.  
• Let go of the pressure to be all things to all people. This one was the hardest for me because I absolutely hate letting people down. However, there is so much beauty in intentional time rather than obligated time. Be intentional with making time for both your families but know that there will be gatherings and traditions you will miss out on. Doing this will allow you to be more intentional with your time with family and allow you to set aside time to celebrate what God has done in your life throughout the season. 

I pray our experiences can help you as you enter this new season of Christian marriage! Now, I am by no means a relationship, marriage, or holiday planning expert. However, I know some of the challenges a newlywed couple can face during the holiday season. Don’t let the stress of the season create a strain on your marriage. It’s important to honor your family’s traditions and expectations but know there can be beauty in creating new traditions and setting healthy boundaries during the holidays. 

ABOUT JULIANA WILSON

Juliana Wilson is the social media and influencer marketing specialist for Lifeway Women and serves as an emcee for Lifeway Women Live. Juliana and her husband Ben are passionate about letting the Lord use them for His glory. They love the holiday season and have been known to keep their Christmas tree up until February. Look for the Wilsons on NBC’s hit obstacle course show: American Ninja Warrior! 

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