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How to Make Sex Less Awkward

For some people, sex just comes naturally. They make love the way it looks in high-budget movies. There’s a natural spark, it’s effortless and it doesn’t come off forced. Just like some people are naturally gifted athletes, some people are just natural lovers.

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But for plenty of others sex, can be … well, kind of awkward. It’s less about not understanding it and more that being naked, and in such a vulnerable position, can make anyone anxious. Maybe you’re awkward during sex, your partner feels put-off or it’s the both of you. The good news? You’re not alone.

Whether you’re fumbling around or it’s just in your own head, don’t worry. There are plenty of ways (we count 7, to be exact) to make sure both you and your partner feel comfortable so that the sex becomes much less awkward.

1. Just Go With It

Sure, this might seem too simple of a solution, but for some people, all it takes is realizing that sex is allowed to be awkward. You’re allowed to mess up or hit each other in the head. Moments can get ruined, so accept that. Don’t put pressure on yourself (or your partner) to try and make every time you have sex perfect.

“You’re about to have sex with someone who wants you,” says Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker” star Destin Pfaff. Don’t forget that. In this moment, they’re just as into you as you are into them. You’ve already gotten to where you want to be — get out of your head and indulge.

2. Talk It Out

There’s no shame in asking a question or two during sex. You can also talk things out during your post-coitus cuddle, too, going over what you liked to help put you at ease for next time. If there’s any part of sex that gives you anxiety, share it (and make sure your partner does the same).

“Often times one person will make assumptions about the other’s sexual experience that then shapes their own beliefs and experience,” says Dr. Catalina Lawsin. “By talking openly about concerns outside of the bedroom, this can make things less awkward in the bedroom.”

3. Take a Literal Breather

“Most awkwardness happens post-sex,” explains Jennifer B. Rhodes, licensed psychologist and founder of Rapport Relationships. “We can get so caught up in our lust that, after the act, we freak out a little bit about what just happened. If you feel some panic rising, simply go to the bathroom, close the door and breathe. A little mindfulness can go a long way to curb a full blown panic episode.”

Basically, you should know that sex is intense. If you need to decompress afterwards, go for it. It’s totally normal.

4. Use Toys or Tools If Necessary

It’s always good to have lube on hand. Why, you ask? Well, it can make the difference between grimacing through the last few minutes of sex while ensuring everyone enjoys themselves. And if you’re uncomfortable going into a store, there are plenty of places to order from online, too.

As with lube, don’t shy away from bringing something like a toy into the bed (we recommend the Magic Wand) with you and your partner. Ask if they’re cool with it, of course, but there’s nothing wrong with some extra vibrations to help get the ball rolling.

5. Avoid Doing Something That Makes You (or Your Partner) Uncomfortable

Plain and simple, this is a priority at all times. Always make sure that you and your partner are both enjoying themselves. If you’re doing something they don’t like, or vice versa, don’t continue. It could potentially go from being awkward to something worse.

6. Don’t Force It If Someone’s Not in the Mood

Similarly, there’s no point in having sex when one of you isn’t feeling it. Where’s the fun if it feels more like an obligation over a fun activity? There are plenty of other options if getting it on isn’t in the cards for you and your partner. The option for sex isn’t going anywhere, so don’t feel like it’ll never happen again if you turn it down once.

7. Don’t Treat Intimacy as a Step to Sex

“Increase physical affection without the expectation of sex,” explains Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT, and author of “First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love.” “I've worked with clients who immediately put their guard up when their partner touches them because they've gotten into a habit where affection is associated with foreplay. Increasing physical affection can make a partner more ‘in the mood,’ initiate sex more often and enjoy it more.”

By showing that touching each other doesn’t always mean you’re looking to get it in, it’ll actually allow for a stronger bond that could potentially lead to greater opportunities for sex.

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Frank Kobola, Khareem Sudlow