#DMTBeautySpot #beauty

How to Explain Your Fetish to Your Partner

Sometimes in a relationship, you're not sure how to phrase a delicate subject or tricky topic. Sure, saying nothing at all is easy, but avoiding the subject doesn't do anyone any good. Awkward Conversations provides you with a template for what to say — and what not to say — and why, so you can have those difficult discussions without them turning into full-blown fights.

If you have a fetish or kink you’re really into, having a conversation about it with a partner can feel like the scariest thing in the world. 

Unfortunately, many common fetishes and kinks are still heavily stigmatized as there’s a level of fear and uncertainty in the unknown. That leaves even the most confident person to worry about being judged, especially with this being such an intimate thing to reveal about yourself.

While you want to be honest without freaking out your partner or making them feel uncomfortable, here are some ways to make the conversation about your kink/fetish a total breeze.

1. Explain That You’re Sharing From a Place of Trust

Resist the temptation to crack jokes in order to ease tension. Don’t open with something like, “Hey, so have you ever dated a guy with a foot fetish?” either. Instead, be as sincere and unguarded as possible, even if that feels hard to do. 

“I want you to know that I trust you, and that’s why I feel comfortable telling you about my sexual inclinations. I hope you can appreciate that.” 

Be sure to put your partner at ease right away. Let them know that you trust them, and that’s why you’re opening up — that way, they’ll take it much more seriously and not be dismissive. 

2. If You’re Worried About Being Judged, Say So

“One time I brought this up with a girlfriend, and she shamed me so much that I felt horrible… that’s why I’m always nervous now. I hope you understand that that’s why it took me so long to bring it up.” 

Don’t be afraid to communicate any anxiety or fear you have to your partner. What’s the point in pretending you’re some macho tough guy, full of confidence with no real cares about their opinion? 

If you explain your reservations clearly, they’ll be that much more considerate and understanding as you two discuss it. Hopefully, they’ll also understand that hasty judgments would hurt your feelings, and be less likely to be outright against what you’re saying.

3. Demystify Kinks/Fetishes With Details and Context

“I know this might be strange to hear, but it’s something that I got into a few years ago. Ever since then, I’ve been really interested in X … it just arouses me so much.” 

Sharing these additional details might feel embarrassing, sure, but they’ll help your partner understand where you’re coming from. That way, even if they’re someone who has a somewhat negative view of fetish-related things, they won’t lump you in with all the other “kinky people” they probably imagine. 

You’re a unique individual with a specific kink or turn-on — that’s what you’re trying to get across. If there’s an origin story or background of why you have it, go ahead and explain that, too. 

4. Start Small and Ease Into the Conversation Gradually

“So … I find it really hot when women walk on me in high heels. Could you do that sometime?” 

Leading with a specific request like the example above is exactly the kind of situation where people react instinctively to shut you down. Instead of asking your partner to join in your kink/fetish, consider saying something like this:

“I know this is all still very new to you, but I just wanted to bring it up. We can talk about it later!” 

Introduce your kink/fetish to them in stages. If your partner watches porn, offer to show them a video that best demonstrates what you’re into. Give them a chance to get used to the idea, but also be aware that even after doing that, they might not want to partake in the end. That doesn’t mean you have to suppress your thoughts or desires, of course, but it’s just something that might be done as a solo activity.

5. Ask About Your Partner’s Fantasies

“I know we haven’t had this conversation before, which is why I’m glad we have a chance now. Do you have any fantasies of your own? Is there something you like, or maybe a sexual desire that you haven’t had a chance to explore? I’d love to make that happen if you want to.” 

It’s only fair that your partner should have a chance to tell you their secret kinks, too. Even if they don’t, this question demonstrates that you’re a thoughtful partner, and will show that you’re not trying to make this a selfish, one-sided conversation.

6. Emphasize That This Won’t Change Your Relationship

Don’t label your fetish/kink as a secret out of the gate. It’ll only make it seem like you were hiding something, when in reality, you were just hesitant to admit your truth in fear of scaring your partner off.

“I know this may be strange to you, but listen, it’s just one thing that I happen to like sexually. This doesn’t mean that I’m a different person from the one you know. I still like you very much, and our relationship will remain the same.

If you’re into being tied up, choking, spanking or what have you, that doesn’t make you a terrible person. It also doesn’t mean you don’t have any interest in your partner if they say they’re not on the same page as you. Being turned on by X or Y is not a reflection on your character, and as your partner may not know this, take the time to explain it carefully. 

RELATED: The Art of Rough Sex, Explained

Also, clarify that this doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy the sex you’ve been having. Hearing about something like this, particularly if you’ve been with this person for a while now, can lead to your partner worrying that your regular sex life has been boring and bland. Reassure them with an explanation that’ll show you aren’t a deceitful person. 

7. Thank Them for Listening and Being Understanding

“Thanks so much for giving me this space to tell you about my fetish/kink. It’s great that you’re open-minded, and I want you to know I’m always going to be the same way.” 

Explain that this was a really important conversation to have because it’s about such an intimate part of your identity that you don’t disclose to just anyone. 

After your partner listens to what you have to say, it’ll be out in the open. Whether they feel like taking part or not, there’ll be a weight lifted off your shoulders that’ll only better you (and the relationship) in the long run.

You Might Also Dig: 

26 Wild Fetishes Most People Don’t Know Exist How to Ask for Something Unconventional in Bed How to Discuss Your Unsatisfying Sex Life

DMTBeautySpot

via https://www.DMTBeautySpot.com

Priya-Alika Elias, Khareem Sudlow