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Worst Strip Club Mistakes Guys Make

Strip clubs can be fun, magical places. Between the dim lighting, the pounding music, the women twirling fluidly around a pole in various states of undress, and the exciting, overtly sexualized environment, there’s a sense of unreality and titillating possibility.

However, the surest way to dispel that carefully crafted illusion and crash back to earth is by forgetting how to act in this new environment. After all, no one wants to attract the ire of the dancers or bouncers in a negative way, leaving them shunned or kicked out to the curb.

As a former dancer employed for many years at several clubs across several states, as well as a current (and forever) strip club enthusiast, I’m here to describe — and save you — from the most common mistakes that guys make in strip clubs.

1. Not Tipping

I began stripping, first and foremost, out of economic necessity. There was a lot I enjoyed about the job, but it was still a job.

And in case you didn’t know, strippers don’t actually get paid. In every club I’ve ever worked at, a dancer takes home only a percentage of the dances she sells... and her tips. Clubs often charge dancers high fees just to work there, and take large cuts from each dance she sells, so tips can be the bulk of the money that a dancer takes home. 

RELATED: How to Tip Different Workers, Explained

Just as you shouldn’t go out to eat in a restaurant without planning on tipping your server on top of the cost of your meal, you shouldn’t plan a night out at the club without planning to tip the dancers.

2. Going Just to Get Drunk

There are bars for this that don’t have naked women performing feats of athleticism for cash. If you go to the strip club, as discussed above, you need to also be tipping. You can tip the women dancing on the stage, you can tip the women who sit, talk and flirt with you, and you can buy dances … or you can be the worst kind of customer. How so, you ask? By going to the club to drink, while ogling the dancers on stage for free.

3. Bargaining for Dances

At many clubs, the management sets the price for dances without consulting dancers on what to charge. The prices may even be set in writing as part of new-hire contracts that dancers sign. 

Regardless, it’s poor form to try to haggle over the price of dances. It’s insulting to the woman offering the dance to try to bargain them down, as well as potentially being against the rules in their contracts.

4. Going Shopping for a Girlfriend

Like most customer service workers, dancers have an incentive to be nice to their customers. Working for tips means being extra patient, better listeners and more adaptive to any particular customer’s needs. That level of focus, combined with the sexualized environment, means that the men I’ve danced for have often felt a romantic connection with me. 

But while I’ve grown fond of several of my regulars, I’ve never wanted to date anyone I’ve met in the strip club. This isn’t true for every dancer, but customers should be aware that a strip club is not a place to shop for a girlfriend. Sure, it could happen between the right people, but it’s relatively rare and not something any customer should expect.

5. Being Rude or Disrespectful to the Dancers

So many men walk into strip clubs and throw their basic human decency out the door. Dancers are people, and people deserve to be treated with a baseline level of respect. If you’re so judgmental of stripping that you can’t hold a conversation with a dancer without insulting her, her body or her line of work, you shouldn’t be in a strip club.

RELATED: The Rude Jerk — And Other Types of Guys Women Avoid

6. Negging the Other Dancers

A lot of well-intentioned customers have tried to compliment me by telling me I was the hottest dancer in the club, to which I would usually just take the compliment. The real mistake comes into play with what would often come next: those same men would then proceed to insult the other women working, comparing me favorably. 

First of all, in any environment, it’s not a good look to compliment one woman by putting down others. Particularly in the club setting, those comments often had racist and body-shaming undertones. My fellow dancers were women I was friends with, who I could count on to tell me if my tampon string was hanging out and I’d cackled and cried with. I didn’t want to hear them insulted, and this made me wary of any man who did it.

7. Asking for Extras

Asking to make a dance “worth your while,” or coming right out and asking for sexual favors, is inappropriate. It’s illegal, and while I believe that sex work should be fully decriminalized, it’s not worth getting arrested or fired from the club over. 

Strip clubs are full of security cameras, and bouncers may walk the floor to enforce contact rules; the chances of being caught are high. Furthermore, although there’s some overlap, most dancers do not also engage in prostitution.

8. Not Getting Consent

Any contact in the strip club should be prefaced with consent. Some clubs don’t allow any contact at all between dancers and customers, and some clubs are full-contact. Regardless, before touching (or spanking, licking, etc.), ask for consent. Respect boundaries — if a dancer says no to something, don’t question it.

Some women will let you touch them and some won’t within the same club. Never assume that something is OK. You could make someone feel violated and unsafe, as well as get kicked out and banned from a fun place. Don’t ruin your night (and a dancer’s peace of mind) when you could simply ask what they’re comfortable with instead.

9. Insisting on Knowing a Dancer’s Real Name

Dancers use stage names for a reason: safety. We don’t want to be one more disposable sex worker, the dead stripper in the punchline to some bad joke. 

Beyond that, stripping carries a lot of stigma, and many dancers hide their profession from their families and from their more mainstream places of employment. We don’t use our real names because being outed would have vast, terrifying repercussions in our lives.

A night at the strip club should be fun, sexy and memorable. Avoiding these common mistakes will help make that a reality. If it feels like a lot to remember, it condenses pretty easily down to treating dancers with respect and tipping them for their time. 

Now, go forth and enjoy those lap dances. Just behave.

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Nina Doe, Khareem Sudlow