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How to Be the Best Best Man at a Wedding

At a certain time in a young man’s life, it may feel like he is coordinating his entire summer schedule around other people’s weddings. Of course industry statistics show that 16 percent of proposals happen in December and October is the most popular month for weddings, so by now, you may have not only gotten invited to several nuptials, you may also have been asked to participate in a few of them — sometimes as the best man.

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According to “Emily Post’s Etiquette,” the most important thing is that the best man relieve the groom of as many details and as much responsibility as possible. Luckily, the average engagement lasts 15 months, so hopefully you’ve still got time to pitch in.

As the groom’s trusty sidekick, you’ll be tasked with everything from planning an awesome bachelor party, helping your buddy pack, get dressed and groomed for the ceremony, making sure the presiding cleric gets paid, and ensuring there’s a “getaway car.” In the end, though, there are really three very important things a best man needs to handle: making sure the groom gets where he’s supposed to be, when he’s supposed to be there, that the wedding ring is where it’s supposed to be; i.e., securely planted on the bride’s finger at the appropriate moment in the ceremony, and that you deliver an amazing speech at the reception.

Be On Time

Everything from traffic jams to wardrobe malfunctions can conspire to make grooms late, literally, for their own weddings. That’s where you come in. The best man’s number one priority is to make sure that the groom ends up at the wedding site with time to spare and in good shape.

We mention this first, because while it is your responsibility to throw the best bachelor party you can, having the groom show up half-in-the-bag is an epic fail on your part. You may think it’s fun. You may think it’s funny. It’s not. Remember, this is isn’t about you. It’s not even all about him. It’s about her. And by her, we mean, of course, the mother-in-law. Today is the bride’s special day, and everything should be just right. These days though, there can be a lot of money on the line for an extravaganza that is still often bankrolled by the bride’s parents (at an average of $35,329 in America). They deserve everyone’s respect.

“Once I had a groom and best man start drinking whisky at 7:00 am the morning of the ceremony. They were so drunk they could barely stand,” says wedding planner Danielle Rothweiler. “They literally fell out of the limo when it pulled up at the first venue. What made it worse was that they were both so red they looked sunburnt.” Imagine the retouching bills on that wedding album.

Bachelor Party Ideas

Speaking of the bachelor party, with movies like “Crazy Rich Asians” and “The Hangover” setting a high bar for hijinks, it may be tempting to go a little bit crazy with a memorable blow-out. First, always refer back to priority number one: make sure that whatever you’re planning, the groom will be able to show up on the wedding day, preferably in one piece and preferably not hungover and smelling like last night.

“Check with the other groomsmen and all the other guys you want to invite. Generate some ideas, and mostly, put together a budget,” says Rothweiler. “Run it past the groom, too. What does he expect? I’m hearing a lot of guys say they are going fishing for the bachelor party. But rather than just going to the lake where they always go, why not kick it up a notch and go deep-sea fishing, or something like that?”

Do the guys all like to golf? Head to a resort, even if it’s somewhat local. Into mountain climbing? See priority one … maybe a day at an indoor climbing gym is a better way to send your buddy off into marital bliss.

Also, be kind to your fellow groomsmen. Keep in mind, for example, that even though you may be a hedge fund trader, the bride’s little brother may still be paying off a student loan and the groom’s college roommate working at a not-for-profit. This is for the groom and everyone he wants there, not just you.

Best Man Wedding Day

Once you’ve made it through some major partying, be sure everyone is healthy and sobered up. It’s time for the main event. Rothweiler suggests making sure that the groom has had something to eat and to field any phone calls for him. “Keep everybody in line, and help with the logistics. Let the bride and groom focus on getting married.”

Again, referring to Emily Post, “[The best man] is responsible for the wedding ring and must be sure that the groom gives him the ring before the ceremony, to be kept in his pocket until it is time for it to be placed on the bride’s finger. If there is a ring bearer who will carry the actual ring, the best man sees that it is carefully attached to the cushion.” Brides magazine actually suggests sewing a fake ring onto the pillow so you don’t have to worry about a young ring bearer losing track of the real thing.

Best Man Speech

Finally, one of your most important duties will be to make that speech at the reception. As with all things in life, follow the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Nobody is expecting you to compete with the comedy chops of Hasan Minaj or John Mulaney, nor do they expect you to be a White House speech writer … well, of course unless in fact you are a White House speech writer.

Keep it PG. Everyone will remember how lovely the bride looked and how great the party was. While everyone may also remember something you said that brought a tear to their eyes, we don’t want people talking about this speech for years to come because it was rude or salacious (or, again, that you were wasted during its delivery).

“The worst wedding toast I ever heard was by a guy who seized the opportunity to bring up every past dating failure of the groom,” says writer Susan Breslow Sardone. “As he droned on, the other members of the wedding party shut him down. It was painful to listen to, and people felt badly for both the groom and the bride.”

Sardone offers some tips for how to write and give a great wedding toast, but she suggests starting with introducing yourself, writing it down beforehand, and keeping it warm, personal and brief. She also insists that if you’re drunk, don’t give the speech. If your speech will be recorded for posterity by a photographer or videographer, take a few minutes to be sure you’re cleaned up before delivery.

Wedding planner Rothweiler also espouses writing the speech ahead of time. When speeches are provided to her in advance of the event, she’ll have printed copies ready and waiting for you at your seat. “Do not mess up my photos by reading your speech from a phone,” she warns.

Perhaps most importantly, there’s a reason your best friend, your brother, or maybe even your Dad has asked you to be there on this important day. It’s likely because he loves and trusts you. On the other hand, maybe it’s because it was the politically correct thing to do to keep peace in the family or to balance out the bridal party. Either way, be there for the bride and groom.

Plan Accordingly

These days even weddings on a budget can include a wedding planner. Ask him or her where you can help. Connect with the planner and let them know you’re available to help keep things moving and on schedule. The planner may also be your ace in the hole when it comes time to plan that surprise bachelor party, because he or she will likely know where everyone is in the weeks leading up to the wedding.

No wedding planner? Even more of a reason to step up to the plate. Without stepping on the bride’s (or the mother-of-the-bride’s) toes, see what you can do to help make this day unforgettable. Don’t forget to connect with the maid-of-honor as well. You’ll both be shouldering as much responsibility as possible, so it’s best if you can tag-team the soon-to-be newlyweds to-do list.

So it’s pretty straightforward. Deliver the groom in one-piece, deliver the ring into the groom’s hands, and then deliver a well-planned, well-written speech. Set the bar high. You may need somebody to be the best man they can be for you somebody, too.

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DMT.NEWS

via https://dmtbeautyspot.com

John Russel Jones, DMT.NEWS